"Being only 17 years old and a senior in high school, I feel as though there have been several things that have impacted my life so far - death and anxiety among them. 

All throughout my young life so far, death has played a major key. I’ve had people close to me pass away, attended a school known for it’s death, and seen how much death impacts my community. Having death be an idea so close to my heart starting at a young age gave me anxiety about life that started to hold me back from experiences, people, and knowing myself. The deaths that I’ve experienced around me made my already existing anxiety stronger. It made me afraid that by living, I would be judged, and therefore created a depression that could lead to suicide. It made me afraid of trying new experiences as simple as zip lining in the mountains that I love, just because I was afraid that something would malfunction and result in death. It made me even more afraid to trust people... because that could lead to heartache, which feels almost as painful as death. 

Going further into my life, the idea of death didn’t fade away as much as I had hoped - but only seemed to get worse. It created an anxiety that I couldn’t control anymore, and that led to give me a depression I didn’t even know that I had. 

All my anxiety and depression kept on getting worse, when suddenly I hit a wall where I just couldn’t take it anymore. I made a pact with myself to make myself better. I continued on this track for some time..then one of my dear friends passed away. But this person was extremely special - they were one of the best. They didn’t care what others thought, and they had this thriving persistence about life that I wished for so badly. So I was sad for a bit, but then I started to realize that maybe this was a time for me to use. I told myself that this life is for me. It took some time, but I defeated my depression, surpassed a lot of anxiety, and sought out experiences that showed me something new. I'm no longer afraid of life, but trying to thrive in life.

This life isn’t supposed to be easy, and I acknowledge that I will always have anxiety, but also I know that’s just part of who I am. Life can be sad, but that’s why you must never take a moment for granted and fill it with as much joy as possible. Defeat your fears and accept the hurt. Let impacts in life, impact you as a person."


Mattea LinAeComment